Does alcohol make you argue with your partner?

Why is it that a pleasant evening with our partner, whether it’s a cosy night in or a romantic meal out, can sometimes end in an argument when we drink?

Binge drinking (drinking heavily in a short space of time) is associated with both becoming aggressive or angry, and also being on the receiving end of someone else's temper.¹ 

Why alcohol can affect your mood

Studies have shown there is a link between alcohol and aggression² – and that includes verbal aggression that can lead to arguments. This happens for a couple of reasons: 

• Alcohol suppresses inhibition, making it harder to think straight³  
  Drinking affects your brain chemistry. Small amounts of alcohol can cause initial feelings of relaxation, but what’s actually happening is that alcohol is suppressing activity in parts of the brain associated with inhibition. You’re less likely to notice warning signals that you would normally pick up on (‘inhibitions’), and so are more likely to find yourself in confrontational situations. The more you drink the higher the chance it can cause feelings of tension and anxiety that could lead to arguments.  
• Alcohol can narrow your attention and stop you seeing the big picture (known as ‘alcohol myopia’)^4,5 
  Because of the way alcohol affects your brain, you may miss the social cues that help you to interpret situations rationally – for example, facial expressions, body language or tone of voice. It can also affect the way you react, meaning you or your partner think less about the wider consequences of immediate actions. On a practical basis, this might mean you or your partner ‘rise to the bait’, even over something you would normally shrug off. 
• The way you process information is affected by drinking alcohol⁶ 
  After drinking alcohol, you’re more likely to misinterpret someone else's behaviour. So, something that was meant as a joke might not be taken that way.

Alcohol and its effect on relationships

Alcohol’s effect on lowering inhibitions can be behind arguments, if one or both of you are drinking. But it can effect relationships in other ways too – from being linked to depression, to having a negative effect on your sex life. 

Almost one in four (23%) UK adults worry about their partner or ex-partner’s drinking.⁷

If alcohol is affecting your relationship, the best time to address it is when you are both sober. Having an honest conversation about drinking can be a positive step towards cutting down drinking together. It will benefit your health and could improve your relationships, including with other family members. 

A good first step towards cutting drinking together with your partner could be using Drinkaware’s Drinking Check to find out if the way you drink could be harming your health. It’s completely confidential, and only takes a few minutes. 

But taking a decision to cut down on drinking is ultimately a personal one. We have tips on how to cut your drinking when your partner doesn’t want to, as well as what you can do to support someone else, if you’re worried about your partner’s drinking. 

Benefits of drinking less

Staying safe in your relationship 

Sometimes alcohol can be used as an excuse for bad behaviour, but finding that you frequently argue with your partner when you get drunk, could reveal underlying problems with your relationship. At its most extreme, alcohol can be a contributing factor to some people becoming violent.^8,9  

Studies show that there is a clear link between alcohol use and intimate partner violence – which is any form or physical, sexual or psychological violence against a current or former partner.¹⁰  

Recent crime figures for England & Wales (2022/23) found 38% of offenders appeared to be under the influence of alcohol.¹¹ Women are at a higher risk of harm against them by a male partner who has been drinking than vice versa.¹² 

If you feel you may be at risk of any type of harm, including domestic or sexual violence because of a someone’s drinking you should dial 999 and seek immediate help.