How I reset my relationship with alcohol

2023 started as so many had before: hungover. But something was different that year—it was the year I finally decided to stop drinking.   

In the past, I'd attempted Dry January or Sober October with varying degrees of success, but most attempts ended before the 30-day mark. I’d always find excuses not to follow through: "January's hard enough as it is!" or "Why deprive yourself of something you enjoy? Life's too short." This sentiment was usually echoed by a friend looking for an exit strategy and someone to break it with. But I wasn't enjoying drinking. I had stumbled my way into some terrible habits.   

I grew up in an era of 'ladette culture', characterised by drinking to excess in the 90s and 00s. My university years were dominated by binge drinking and getting as drunk as possible on as many nights out as I could stand. By my mid-thirties, my drinking had become problematic. Nights out often ended in blackouts. Hangovers stretched for three or four days, leaving me drained and unfocused.   

The most significant toll, however, was on my mental health. I suffered from relentless bouts of anxiety, and my moods swung unpredictably, straining my relationships. So, on 4 Jan 2023, inspired by a friend, I took a break from drinking and haven't looked back. It's been a challenging journey, which, as someone who used drinking as a crutch, has been confronting at times, but it's been the best decision.   

Not drinking gave me back my weekends. Instead of spending Sundays hungover eating takeaways, I enjoy more hobbies and activities. My relationships have grown more meaningful. But above all, the impact on my mental health has been profound.   

Taking a prolonged period off completely changed my relationship with drinking. Now, I enjoy the occasional cocktail. I will have a drink to toast a celebration and enjoy a glass of rose now and then, but it's all in moderation.   

After 14 months alcohol-free, I learned valuable lessons that helped me reset my relationship with drinking. Here's what worked for me and might work for you:

Try digital tools  

Knowing where you’re starting from is a great first step in changing your relationship with alcohol. Online tools like Drinkaware’s Drinking Check can help you understand how much you're drinking and the effects it may be having. When I started working at Drinkaware, I took the Drinking Check based on my old drinking habits, and my results were quite eye-opening. I'm so glad I decided to change when I did. 

Now, I’m drinking again; I use the MyDrinkaware app to ensure my old habits don’t creep back in. If you're considering making changes, tracking your weekly intake with an app before making any adjustments can also be an eye-opening first step. It might give you the push you need to follow through. 

Take a break  

Taking part in Dry January or Sober October can be a great way to start, especially if those around you are also getting involved. So, whether it's a month, three months, or a year, take whatever time you need to change your habits. I loosely decided to take a year-long break but kept it private so it felt less daunting. For me, that wasn’t enough, so I took a more extended break, I didn't feel ready after a year—so do what feels right for you.   

Set yourself limits  

Set limits during times when you're drinking and stick to them. I'll set a two or three-drink limit when I'm out for dinner or having drinks with friends. It keeps me accountable to myself and lets my friends know when I've had enough.   

Stop making excuses  

I say this with no judgement because I made them for years, and it stopped me from changing my drinking. There will always be a reason to drink: someone's birthday, a wedding, a work event, etc. There will never be the 'perfect' time to make a change; I never found it. I always intended to start after [insert any event] but never did. Now, I wish I had made some changes sooner.  

Embrace alcohol-free   

There has never been a better time to try alcohol-free drinks. Most pubs and restaurants now offer a range of alcohol-free drinks.  I think a large part of my success was having an alcohol-free drink in a situation where I used to drink. They make it feel less like you’re missing out. I enjoy a pint of Lucky Saint, which is on tap in more and more pubs, and an alcohol-free gin and tonic.   

Have more conversations about drinking  

A friend's decision to take a break was the catalyst for me to reflect on my habits. We shared similar experiences and challenges with alcohol. Chatting to him and seeing him succeed made me realise I could do it, too.   

Being open and honest about why I wasn't drinking sparked so many conversations—with friends, family and even people I had just met. When I explained my reasons, others often saw their experiences in my story, igniting real honest exchanges. Sharing your journey not only makes it easier, but it might also inspire others to rethink their relationship with alcohol.  

Be kind to yourself  

Changing your relationship with alcohol isn’t easy. And the road to improvement is unlikely to be smooth. If you slip up, drink more than planned one night, or go on holiday and slip back into your old ways, don’t be too hard on yourself. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Get back on the horse and keep going. 

Find what works for you  

Changing your relationship with alcohol doesn’t have to mean giving it up forever; it's about finding what works for you. I was alcohol-free for 14 months, which allowed me to find ways to enjoy a more balanced life. So, whether you take a break or swap one drink for an alcohol-free alternative, the best time to start is now — your future self may well thank you. 

Gem is a journalist, writer and Creative Content Lead at Drinkaware.